Managing negative emotions about money- -Well Being Skill

One of the fundamental points to getting good with money is about managing the emotional side of money, which probably for many of us is often the most difficult part. If you feel like money weighs heavily on you, you are very much not alone according to researchers 64% of Americans say that money is a major cause of stress with 49 percent saying they have spent more than they can afford because of their emotions, things like stress and boredom, etc. 

Money is fundamentally emotional and it’s fundamentally about more than just the money itself and accepting that and gaining control over how you feel about money is one of the big keys to getting good with it. Because you may not always have complete control over things like your income or your expenses but you can gain control of how you feel about these things. Many financial advisers point out only about 25% of financial planning clients respond to logic and education alone for the other 75% there are underlying emotional issues that impact their spending habits, some people even need financial therapists to tease out why they have money trouble. They rely on things called money scripts which may have been ingrained into people’s minds and color their relationship with money. Money scripts include things like all women are bad with managing money or your self-worth is based on your savings and other harmful and false beliefs. There are probably some money scripts that you’re living by right now without even realizing it or your ideas that you’ve internalized about money that are way more based on emotions.

 For a lot of us, College is the first time where we’re really confronted with the reality that money has a huge impact on how we live, how much finance and class can impact everything around us and how coming from different socioeconomic backgrounds than peers can have a huge impact on how you feel. Even while many colleges are prioritizing accepting students from different socioeconomic backgrounds. Studies have shown that students who come from these more challenged backgrounds often have a much more difficult time. Many college students experienced financial insecurity when they were young and they probably also spent much of their adolescence around people who had vastly more than they did and so much of their terrible money decisions were driven by that desire to keep up or to look a certain way or associating who they were or with what I could afford, and when you’re in college avoiding spending to keep up with the life you want to live can be nearly impossible.

In most cases, college is often the first time where many of us have to handle our day-to-day living expenses on our own even if we’re still somewhat being subsidized whether by parents or scholarships or student loans. Even if some bills are covered and out of sight for you, there are many choices you’re gonna be making in college on a day to day basis with your money we’re the outcomes financially are up to you, whether you go out for a meal with your friends, or you stick to your meal plan, whether you buy a cute new outfit for that party, or you spend that money on the music festival you probably can’t afford. It’s easy to feel like college is a time in which nothing really counts and you’re free to make all of those terrible decisions including financial ones but they add up and can have a real impact on the relationship that you’re creating with money long term. In addition to the savings you’re missing out on one of the biggest mentalities to switch out of when it comes to money is it’s in my account therefore it’s okay to spend. This is my account available to spend mentality is one of the money scripts that most financial advisors often encounter with their clients it can manifest of this feeling of like well they might as well spend it because if they don’t spend it now they will later anyway a similar money script of theirs for people who come from wealthy or comfortable backgrounds.

Finally, if you’re emotional spending is out of control you may want to check out resources for campus counseling finding someone to talk to in a more professional and prolonged way about why you may be having this relationship to money. One of the most important phrases you will ever integrate into your adult vocabulary is it’s not in my budget you have to be able to be candid about what you can and can’t afford and not allow yourself to get suckered in to being a part of something or buying something that you simply cannot afford and just cringing as your credit card gets swiped at the table. There can be awkward moments of things like a shared trip where bills are split differently or a birthday when not everyone’s ordering the same thing at dinner but everyone is expected to pay their fair share and making sure that you’re comfortable with having these conversations upfront and establishing the expectation and even sometimes opting out of things if it’s not necessarily something you can afford means that you won’t find yourself backed into a corner financially with friends or even worse acquaintances you don’t even really want to be eating out with and if you extend this to people you might live with like roommates you can start to think of it in terms of very very proactive steps such as a roommate contract just like you might upfront want to split the chores that you’re doing or rotate out uses of things like the television you should also plan for all of the different little money things that could easily cause conflict in a household you don’t want to be left paying a ton of money for your friend who runs the air conditioning whether they’re home or not because they insist on splitting it evenly proactive planning and agreeing beforehand on the terms means that you will not walk into a social situation and be left feeling uncomfortable. Money is deeply interwoven into our sense of self, our value our sense of security our worth but ultimately gaining a healthy relationship is about decoupling this sense of self with how much money you may or may not have or what you may or may not be able to afford to gain control over your money and having a comfortable healthy relationship with saying no to things are parts of the key steps to making sure that you are in charge of the narrative around money in your own life and not the other way around. It’s easy to feel shame or insecurity or spend out of misguided emotions but it’s not okay to build a life that way to gain control over how you feel about money and you will start to gain control over how you spend it.